Sunday, December 23, 2007

No one I think is in my tree

I would be exaggerating if I said that this trip to Alabama has been a nightmare. It hasn't, really. I mean, I love seeing extended family, and Christmas is always a fun time. But I have been seriously ON EDGE this whole time.

All day yesterday I was in the van with Mom, Dad, and three siblings. Not bad, really, although I didn't like having to be ON for so long. I need time to myself periodically throughout the day, and you don't get that when you're driving from Indianapolis to Montgomery. Then there was the whole fiasco with the photograph...oh God...which involved Mom panicking and berating herself, Dad firing orders at me while chewing gum right next to my ear, some computer gymnastics that only I knew how to do but Dad thought he'd tell me what to do anyway, a frantic trip to CVS to print a stupid photo, blah blah blah...then we had to go pick my grandpa up, which was okay, except that somehow it was a huge production and everyone was going batshit and then Brian fucked with my seat in the van and I yelled at him and then the position of my seat hurt so I flinched and evidently that was grounds for my mom yelling at me.

That's the right thing to do when an autistic kid starts to get overwhelmed. Yell at her for it. Yeah.

So then I had to go hang out with my entire family for the rest of the night, which actually involved meeting two new people. Grand. And then people got drunk and loud and there was food everywhere and football on TV and I just stared into space for like two hours straight. Normally I would want to catch up with my cousin, because I only see her every couple years, but her boyfriend's here and anyway I have a really hard time starting conversations and whatnot.

In addition to all that, I'm bored out of my fucking mind.

On the plus side...tomorrow's Christmas Eve! We're going to church around 5ish, and I get to wear a lovely black lacy outfit and Julie's tall shoes. Then we're going out to dinner which I'm actually dreading because I feel so fat I don't ever want to eat ever again. But whatever. Then we're going back to J and G's house to open presents! I like that part. It's always fun.

I wish we were in Chicago, though.

Christmases in Chicago were so much fun, and I always knew what was when and where and why, and we were all staying in the same place and it wasn't boring and it was friggin' Chicago--I love Chicago! And if I did ever get bored there I could just walk to the library or challenge Uncle Greg to a game of Parcheesi. Tonight was Scrabble night, but I didn't get to play.

I guess I like it here--I mean, it's certainly agreeable and I like my family and I like the houses and I like the city but it's UNFAMILIAR. I don't know what to expect, although I'm starting to expect boredom and overstimulation. I am holding out hope that once it's Christmas everything will be okay.

Got a call from Navah tonight--evidently my friends in Greenwood are going to Steak 'n' Shake tonight. Of course. I was home for a week before I left for Alabama, and I wanted to go out with people, but not until I leave do people start wanting to go out. To be fair, some people didn't even get home until recently. But still. I miss my friends. I miss my Greenwood friends and I miss my college friends. I miss my comfort zone.


On the plus side, I created a super-amazing playlist last night...

Anyway, sorry for all the self-indulgent whiny babbling. I'm frustrated and upset and hoping it gets better soon. Maybe I'll write more later, because I definitely have more to talk about.

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