Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My head hurts. Forever.

I keep smacking my head on things and losing my balance and failing to maintain basic hand-eye coordination. This sucks. I feel like I don't have a very good sense of where my body is in relation to everything around it. I've been getting in and out of cars for over 20 years--you'd think I'd have figured out by now exactly how much I need to duck in order to avoid whacking my head against the doorframe. And never mind my lack of balance. The other day I was on a bridge, one of those that kinda swings and is suspended and makes you feel like you're walking a tightrope. And even with the minimal swinging, I had to hold on to the ropes in order to keep from falling on my ass. And then once I was off the bridge, it took me maybe 10 minutes to get my "land legs" back. I was only on the damn thing for like 30 seconds.

I don't want to sound like a total freak or anything, but all this Asperger's stuff--if that's what it really is--is getting out of hand. I don't even know anymore if it's that I'm noticing more symptoms, or if somehow I'm actually getting worse. I mean, generally, these sorts of things are supposed to get better as you get older and develop coping mechanisms. I feel like I'm regressing. It is really freaky.

For now, though, I'm going to attribute it to stress. There is not much time left before I have to go back to Greenwood for summer. Oh, and I'm worried as FUCK about my best friend. It is absolutely killing me to see her unhappy day after day. And sure, she ends up taking it out on me occasionally, because I'm the only one around, and it sucks but I'm trying not to mind. This too shall pass. I love her to death and back again but she is very frustrating right now. All I can do is be the best friend/sister I can possibly be and hope that she knows I'd do anything for her.

Oh, and I need sleep too. That should probably happen now.

On a happy note: summer classes are awesome. I've had 2 exams. Sociology was a 98.5% and history was a 98%. Yes, I derive satisfaction from percentages. I like to feel smart.

I don't like to feel tired.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Maybe, maybe not!

Post title courtesy of the Reduced Shakespeare Company. Go, Ophelia!

So it's May. It's May and I am not borderline suicidal. What sort of alternate universe have I entered? As it turns out, I'm keeping my shit together for now because I am taking summer classes until mid-June! I don't have to leave home (that's right) for another month and a half!

I have, of course, developed my seasonally-appropriate nervous habits and self-destructive tendencies, but I'm working on controlling all that.

Did I mention FUCK SUMMER?

Anyway, my sixth semester of college is over. Holy fuck. Awesome things shouldn't go by so quickly. This semester was actually reasonably enjoyable, despite everything. Actually, okay, I'm going to make a list of everything that should have sucked all the joy out of this semester, BUT DIDN'T.

*Gigantic explosive drama-fest with Farz and whatnot
*My computer gave up on life
*Jesus put me on Vagina Probation for 40 days and 40 nights
*I got myself into an honors literature class and decided to stick it out
*Turning 21 opened up new possibilities for sensory assault
*My social life, in general, tried to strangle me

So, yay. Must leave now. Going to paint on small children. More later.

Later. Meaning, 2am the next day, so some hours later...right. I'm in Greenwood now for the weekend. Meh. I usually enjoy weekends with the family, but the timing of this one is particularly unnerving.

I didn't get to paint on children, but I did get to throw balls at them. And we got free cotton candy. So, in all, a good experience. That damn 5 bucket, though...

This is beautiful: NMH recorded an acoustic, rhythmically-challenged, off-key version of "Up and Over." I love it. Of course I prefer the original fuzzy version, because the whole Aeroplane album is some kind of musical perfection, but this is a cute little morsel of silliness.


Anyway. So my cousin had her baby today/yesterday! Connor Michael was born around 9am on May 2, 2008 and he is friggin' adorable. My cousin has spent the past three years pregnant, it seems...Ashley Rose was born April 13, 2006...Haley Ann was born April 15, Connor. Like clockwork. Yay for babies! This makes me really want children, although I would probably eat my young like a praying mantis. Not really, but I don't exactly have confidence in my mothering abilities. My children would probably come out with three eyes and raptor claws anyway...and Lord knows I don't want that shit anywhere near my vagina.

Yet I still want children.

I need to wake up in less than five hours if I want to go to Julie's academic team competition tomorrow. Why do I do these things? Because I'm trying to be a good sister, I guess, and few things make me happier than a little nerdy fun on a Saturday. Waking up at 7am is for dumbasses, though, but I think I'll be joining the ranks.