Sunday, July 27, 2008

All aboard the FAILBOAT!

I think the stupid is wearing off on me. Today at work I left my register to go on break, but halfway down the escalator I realized that I'd left my bag (notebook, pens, $$, etc) back at the register. So of course I turned right around and started running back upstairs. It took me awhile to realize that I was sprinting up the down escalator and not actually making much progress at all. And about to fall down. Eventually I figured out why I wasn't going anywhere. I hope my Moment of Dumb brightened someone's day. I bet that looked awesomely ridiculous.

21 days, now, until I can go back to school. I get my first paycheck at the end of this week and I am totally going to spend a big portion of it on clothings. Possibly a purple blankie, if I can find one that I love. I am long overdue for some retail therapy. Seriously, for the past 6 months all I've wanted to do is shop, and come Friday, I'll finally have money for it.

Now that I'm working in retail hell again, I'm beginning to collect more horror stories. Fortunately I haven't had any really terrible incidents, but every once in awhile I get to interact with some very...interesting...people. Today, this happened.

I was working with Anu for the 2nd day in a row. She and I get along very well. Old guy comes up to the register and starts babbling endlessly about God-knows-what. I humor him. Hey, what the hell, it's boring in here and I need a little human interaction too. He leaves after 10 minutes or so. As he leaves, he graces us with this verbal gem:

Old man: "Okay, well, I gotta girls stay pretty!" (he looks intensely at Anu) "...ESPECIALLY you."

Ahhh! Aaaahhhhh! DO NOT WANT! She was hardly fazed: apparently this guy comes in a lot and is generally creepy. She said he even kissed her hand once. Aw hell no! Motherfucker isn't getting anywhere near my hands, etc.!

After I got over the creepy, I realized that I'd basically just gotten called "relatively ugly." w00t.

Some old lady clawed me with a fake nail today...

I fucking hate retail.

Also. Thoughtlet. It seems that higher-calorie foods are generally cheaper than lower-calorie, healthier foods. This is stupid. I propose that calories = cents. If something has 100 calories, it costs a dollar. 2500 calories, it costs $25. Free Diet Coke. Okay, I can definitely get on board with free Diet Coke. My favorite (I use that term lightly) Burger King meal would be $8.50 instead of $3.79. That would be just discouraging enough.

Anyway, I'll leave you with this:

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Stupidity Abounds

Amy: "I won't wear a helmet on my bike! It looks stupid!"
Me: "Uh, no, it looks smart. It looks like you care about keeping your skull intact."
Amy: "I'm not going to be the only one of my friends wearing a helmet!"
Me: "I guess you'll be the only one not riding a bike, then."

Sometimes, what you look like is the last thing that matters.

Also, I think I'm developing parent-like tendencies.

In other news, 25 more days until I get to go back to Bloomington. I am very excited, but that's sort of dampened by how hard it is to get through every day without stabbing someone. My job at Sears is probably making me lose IQ points. I got switched to a cashier job, which is kind of old hat for me. After 4 days of the dumbest computer training I've ever trudged through, I'm finally a real cashier. Sort of. Everyone keeps assuming that I don't know what I'm doing, which kind of makes me wonder about the expectations (or lack thereof) I'm up against. Seriously, I've done this before, and not only have I done it, I've trained people at it. Not that I really give a shit. When my job changed, the lovely management at Sears neglected to inform me that my salary would also change. Finally I brought it up in conversation and they were like "oh, um, yeah it's going to be a lot lower." Thanks, bitches! Now I'm working for minimum wage! Maybe I'll start living up (down) to those expectations, just to spite someone. I'm only there for 3 more weeks. Fuck all y'all.

Speaking of people not telling me things, I was supposed to have an appointment today for my yearly physical exam. I missed it because I went to the wrong office. Apparently the practice moved to the other side of town within the past year and neglected to inform me. Hooray. I rescheduled it for next week, but still, stupid stupid stupid.

In not-stupid news, go listen to "Welcome Home, Son" by Radical Face. Immediately. Then swoon with me. Swoon, dammit!

I found the most gorgeous quilt ever and I'm still trying to get Mom to get it for me. If she doesn't, then I will, but my funds are a little limited (THANKS A LOT, SEARS BITCHES) and I want to get a blanket to go with it. Also, I need new clothes. Need as in "need," not as in "want." I mean, okay, I'm not wearing rags or anything, but I don't have too many articles of clothing that I can wear right now, and when I get back to the dorm it's going to be a giant pain in the ass if I have to do laundry every single week. Also, some of my pants are beginning to fall off and that could get awkward.

That's pretty much it for now. I can't think of anything else to write that doesn't involve whining about how much I miss my friends and want them back in the same town/state/country/continent as me. Because...seriously. Anyway, I guess I'll go play Neopets some more...sigh.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Go faster!

A job. I has one. Thank God it's just temporary, for the remainder of the summer, because it kind of sounds sucktastic. Julie and I both got jobs at Sears, cleaning and organizing stuff. Hopefully we'll get to stay in the back room, trying to make sense of the disaster back there while cackling hysterically and beating each other with fixtures. We both have interviews at Build-A-Bear next week, which is kind of funny, but I wouldn't mind having 2 part-time jobs for a few weeks. And then I would be able to say that I spent my summer BUILDING BEARS. Kind of sounds awesome.

I feel sort of healthy, I think. I'm still working out most days, and I'm up to 7.5 miles at a time on the stationary bike. 6 days a week. Plus I like to play around with Mom's free weights, beat the shit out of Dad's punching bag, and kick my own ass with situps and stretches every night. And I'm getting a lot better about willingly taking the dog out for walks. I don't really seem to be losing that much weight, though. Sad face. I like to tell myself that what I'm losing in fat I'm gaining in muscle, but I still feel like a whale. Maybe I'll never be thin and sexy. Le sigh. I can still try.

I've been watching Arrested Development on It kind of rocks my world. I don't have a favorite character, or even really a favorite moment yet, but I will say that Buster's "Hey, brother..." is full of awesome. As is pretty much the whole series.

I shaved my legs tonight. That always makes me feel a little more accomplished. Sad but true.

On Saturday, on the way to Chicago, I took part of a practice GRE that I found online. I did surprisingly well, but not well enough for me. I definitely need to study vocabulary. Holy shit. I was particularly surprised by the fact that I still know how to do math. I haven't taken a math class since high school, but I still only missed a couple questions. This looks promising. (Tune in this October, when my actual GRE becomes a vortex of epic fail.)

Duck and cover if you remember something called CFAFC. "C? FAFC!" Coalition For the Awareness of Falling Coconuts. I've been giggling about it all day.

In other news, I think I need, like...a wife.

In seven weeks I will actually be in charge of actual freshmen. I'll be a real RA. Dealing with Welcome Week shit, of course, but oh well. I can't believe I have to go to an actual fucking pep rally. Jesus. I might drag Kate along. She's better at pep than I am. Maybe I'll be more peppy once I actually get to school and feel like myself again. I tend to be a lot more lively in Bloomington.

Can't wait to flip the switch. Take it as you like...I'm taking it maybe 4, 5 different ways. Flippp.

Now stop reading this because it's over. Haha.