Thursday, February 28, 2008

This just in!

Hooray! The most prominently featured item on Yahoo News is completely fucking worthless! What, you ask, is the most newsworthy thing happening in the world tonight?

Miley Cyrus drank ketchup on the Tonight Show.

[Cleveland-from-Family-Guy voice] Now thaaaaat's just naaaasty. [/voice]

In other (apparently less important) news, Kenya is in the process of ending its recent bout of bloody insanity. Thank God. Things are scary over there. So scary, in fact, that the Sudanese government was appalled. Yeah. That's right.


"South Sudan's leader Salva Kiir said more unrest and uncertainty could have destabilized the entire region.

'Now we again can recognize our neighbor Kenya,' he said."

(Reuters, 28.02.08)

You know you're fucked when...

Anyway, things here in la-la land are great for now. We'll see how long it lasts. If I get bored I can always go laugh at how fucked up the news media are.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

OMG WHAT IS IT?! Or, There's A Reason I'm Not A Journalism Major

This was on the front page of Yahoo today, appropriately in the Entertainment section (God help us if it had been categorized as "real news"):

(red boxy highlights mine)

They share a distinctive feature? What could it be? Wait, I know this one. The facial hair? No, that isn't it. Eyes? Not really. God, what IS it? What is the one trait that these two men with totally different facial features and totally different hair have in common?!

The article says it's the ears. Gotcha.

Problem is, as you can see from the photo, Obama's ears are more angular and have more ridges than Smith's. Smith has a more prominent earlobe. Their ears are not actually alike at all.

Sooooo....what could it be, that one feature that Barack Obama and Will Smith have in common?

I propose a rewrite of this article:

Barack Obama says he would want Will Smith to play him in a hypothetical movie. Smith is a non-threatening, family-friendly black man who often wears a suit and tie--just like Obama. "By associating myself with this PG-rated Hollywood icon," Obama said in an [imaginary] interview, "I am able to present myself in a non-threatening manner while identifying with somebody who is a representative of black culture, sort of. Also, if I am connected in citizens' minds with a popular, funny entertainment figure who is not a terrorist or a gangster, this increases the chance that they will vote for me. I'm a fun guy, just like that Hitch character."

Unfortunately for Smith, no such movie is yet in production, presumably because there is no real storyline on which it could be based.

Opponents John McCain and Hillary Clinton were also asked by bloodthirsty campaign trail press who they would like to see play them in an entirely hypothetical film. Clinton chose Helen Mirren because "We have one very distinctive feature in common, and that is the fact that we are both white women. Also, she played the Queen once, and that's kind of how I want people to see me." McCain declined comment but did mutter something about Steve Martin and white hair.

Long story short, fuck Yahoo news.

In other, um, news...another "cycle" of America's Next Top Model has begun. I missed most of the first episode, again, because Kate thought it would be a good time to have a conversation with me. Come on, I'm not kidding when I say I can't do two things at once. I'm over it, though, because I do actually have my priorities in order. Talking with my best friend is actually more important than television. Anyway, from what I saw of ANTM 10-1, there is going to be no shortage of crazy this time around. My personal favorite moment was Tyrannosaurus Banks' dramatic entrance as homecoming queen FROM HELL. Jeeeesus. An actress she is not. Attractive she is not. Dignified she is really, really not. I've heard talk on the intarwebs that there was something about Claire and breastmilk and Claire drinking her own breastmilk which frankly induces my gag reflex just a little bit. Something's just not quite right about sipping on a cold, frosty glass of one's own boob juice. But hey, I won't judge. Maybe it's delicious.

Speaking of judges, Twiggy's out, thank God. She was entirely useless. Here's hoping Paulina Whatsherface will have the two things Twiggy lacked: opinions and personality. I'm not asking for Janice-level batshit, because that's hard to top, but come on...something?

Anyway, the real dramarama begins tomorrow night at 8pm. I'm a little excited.

I have absolutely nothing interesting to say now.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


My mom is one of the most hilarious people ever, and here is why. I just got off the phone with her, and she told me that the other night she had a bunch of her friends over for dinner, bunco, etc. They do this once a month or so, and this was my mom's month to host. Whoever hosts usually comes up with a theme for the evening that is reflected in the food, decor, prizes, etc. My mom decided on a general February theme. She made three desserts. The first, a strawberry pie, was pink and chocolatey and was decorated with hearts, to represent Valentine's Day. The second was a cherry pie to pay homage to George Washington and his cherry-tree story. The third? Dark chocolate brownies...because it is Black History Month.

I told her it was "deliciously inappropriate." Apparently her friends were stunned at the complete disregard for political correctness (but I assume they eventually found it hilarious, because knowing her friends, they would).

My mom always used to always have to be appropriate and proper and she would always worry about what people thought of her and her family. She still does that to a degree, but apparently she's starting to let her sense of humour show a lot more now. She used to yell at me for even thinking inappropriate things like that! Now it's something she and I share. It makes me happy.

Anyway, I'm spending this weekend in Greenwood, making sure my siblings don't blow up the house while my parents are in New Jersey. Should be fun. I'd rather stay here, but honestly, it might be good for me to have a couple days away from the drama. Oh, the drama. It isn't even really drama's just tension. And we all know how I feel about tension. So I might benefit from this. I just don't like to be away from Bloomington. Also, I don't like spending nights in Greenwood. Oh well. Such is life.

I think the Internet hates me.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

I'm an arpeggio.

An arpeggio is a disjunct melody. The notes aren't next to each other. It is still a pleasing melody, but there are gaps. I am an arpeggio--I function just fine and nobody can sense anything wrong, but something is not quite filled in.

It kind of scares me that I feel like I'm a major scale when I'm with Brittany. She fills in the gaps.

Anyway, life is life. Nothing too shocking. There's an IU basketball game on TV. Excellent.

I don't feel like writing--just wanted to make a note of the arpeggio thing.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Case Study: Chronic Dumbass Disorder

Because I am the biggest attention whore ever: Behold! my latest artistic accomplishment.

Every bead strung by hand. Every petal and every leaf designed off the top of my head. Every wire twisted and often jabbed pointy-end-first into my palm or face. At this point I'm throwing modesty out the window: I am thoroughly impressed with myself. I think this flower kicks serious ass. I almost wish I weren't giving it away, because it would make a really awesome state fair entry. Maybe I'll ask Farz if I can borrow it in August. I also want to enter my giant bouquet in the fair, after I figure out how to shape it so it doesn't look strange. Floral arrangement is not my strong suit. I should learn.

Unfortunately--I discovered this last summer--there is no good category for bead sculpture in the state fair. There's sculpture, as in clay, and then there's jewelry. You'd think there'd be something like mixed media sculpture or general sculpture...there is wirework, I think, but this is definitely more beads than wire. In any case, I would love to enter some of my jewelry in the fair, if only at an amateur level.

As for real life, it is stressful. I'm dealing, sort of, but holy shit.

I realized the other day that a person could probably tell a lot about me by looking at the titles of my monthly playlists. You could tell that I like to play with words, and that I have a twisted sense of humor, and you could definitely figure out some of my favourite words, and you might be able to pick out the general emotional pattern of my life. Because the titles entertain me to no end, I am going to post them here.

2006: Soundtrack to November Life
2006: Batshit December Aflame
2007: January Loves Me
2007: Sapphebruary Fire
2007: March With You
2007: Aprilliant!
2007: Maybe, Maybe Not
2007: June, Junior
2007: There's Hope In July
2007: OMG August OMG August!
2007: Exploding September!
2007: Badass Rocktober!
2007: Eine Kleine Novembermusik
2007: Fangoriously Decembered
2008: January, Quite Contrary
2008: To the Februarium!

Right now I am obsessed with the song "Disarm" by the Smashing Pumpkins. I'm in the midst of a Pumpkins phase, actually. That song, though,

I may end up writing more later, when I'm not about to fall asleep or start misspelling words. We can't have that, can we? Bonsoir.