Friday, January 18, 2008

I am happy and here is why.

I am ridiculously, incurably, scary-happy right now. Let me enumerate the reasons.

1. I love Andy Hollinden and the aura of awesome that follows him everywhere.

2. My RA application is officially complete, which means I have the next year and a half of my life basically figured out. I plan to stay in Bloomington until mid-June and take classes during the first summer session (one of which might be a Hollinden class). I will be an RA during my senior year and not have to worry about money for one more year of my life. That's been a heck of a stressor this year, but I should probably get used to it.

3. Kate gave me Advil twice today, because go figure, as soon as I buy Advil and leave it in Em's car, I wake up with a crazy migraine. Of course, now Kate is even more convinced that I am unhealthily addicted to Advil and she is threatening intervention. It's not that I'm addicted to Advil, it's that I'm addicted to not having headaches.

4. I love my best friends. I think right now I'm including four people in that category.

5. I got to see E.C. on the 6 bus today. Her eyes are gorgeous.

6. I went to the SRSC and worked out for God-knows-how-long (an hour? maybe?) this afternoon, and it felt gooooood. Afterward I went to the IMU and, having my beading supplies with me, sat at a desk there and worked on Kate's birthday present. It was delightfully tranquil.

7. I have one class tomorrow--music theory, for which I turned in my homework early--and then a four-day weekend. Four, because my sociology professor cancelled Tuesday's class. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Sleep, probably, and play with beads. Who knooowwws.

8. I wrote an eight-bar piece for my music theory class and titled it "Orchioid Proctocorns." Which, if my medical-to-English dictionary is correct, translates to something like "testicle-shaped anus horns." I've been giggling about anus horns all week.

9. Life, and the supreme being who makes it all possible. How could I not be happy about that?

And now I will discuss my family's Poopy Water Theory.

On the way back from Alabama, we got into a discussion about children's Bible stories for some reason. I explained my belief that Noah's Ark is not actually a story suitable for children, and here's why. Great Flood, okay? The entire earth was flooded. Everybody and everything died. God was so pissed at everyone that he killed them all in one of the most frightening ways possible--drowning. We'll get to that in a minute.

Children's versions of the story generally focus on cute animals and two-by-two. He built a big boat all by himself! Wow! Nobody ever teaches the kindergartners about the main point of the story--the horrific mass death.

We tend to assume that the horrific mass death was all as a result of drowning. Well, that can't possibly be the case. Giant floods tend to include things like raging currents and less-than-sanitary conditions. I mean, we saw Hurricane Katrina, right? So I'm going to assume that some of the people who died in the Great Flood met their demise as a result of being swept up in the currents and, say, thrown full-force into trees and rocks and cliffs. Bam!dead. No drowning necessary.

The Poopy Water Theory comes in here. Say you're just minding your own business, nailing a prostitute or whatever, and suddenly you see a giant wall of water beginning to engulf your house. What is the first thing you do? Shit yourself out of pure, sudden fear. Imagine everybody on earth--and not just the people, the animals too--doing the same, simultaneously. Then imagine all the pre-shat shit, in whatever they used as sewage tanks back then (buried in the backyard). That is a lot of shit. Mix that with the waters of the Great Flood, and you have a planet bathed in poopy water and a planet full of people and animals swimming/drowning in it. That's awfully unsanitary and could conceivably lead to various types of death that I do not care to envision.

The only thing worse than drowning would be, I think, drowning in poo.

And then, because my family members are not only immature but also kind of sick and twisted, we spent perhaps fifteen full minutes just saying "poopy water" over and over while giggling hysterically. Parents included.

So it was great the other day when Kate brought up the story of Noah's Ark and I couldn't stop laughing. I also couldn't explain it to her, because to put it lightly, she would probably not take it well. She isn't one to laugh at things that aren't actually funny. Much to my dismay. All I could say was "my family had a conversation about was bad...but so good...never mind."

I have a headache again, so off with my head! I to bed!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across this completely by accident - did you wind up taking one of Andy's classes?