Sunday, July 27, 2008

All aboard the FAILBOAT!

I think the stupid is wearing off on me. Today at work I left my register to go on break, but halfway down the escalator I realized that I'd left my bag (notebook, pens, $$, etc) back at the register. So of course I turned right around and started running back upstairs. It took me awhile to realize that I was sprinting up the down escalator and not actually making much progress at all. And about to fall down. Eventually I figured out why I wasn't going anywhere. I hope my Moment of Dumb brightened someone's day. I bet that looked awesomely ridiculous.

21 days, now, until I can go back to school. I get my first paycheck at the end of this week and I am totally going to spend a big portion of it on clothings. Possibly a purple blankie, if I can find one that I love. I am long overdue for some retail therapy. Seriously, for the past 6 months all I've wanted to do is shop, and come Friday, I'll finally have money for it.

Now that I'm working in retail hell again, I'm beginning to collect more horror stories. Fortunately I haven't had any really terrible incidents, but every once in awhile I get to interact with some very...interesting...people. Today, this happened.

I was working with Anu for the 2nd day in a row. She and I get along very well. Old guy comes up to the register and starts babbling endlessly about God-knows-what. I humor him. Hey, what the hell, it's boring in here and I need a little human interaction too. He leaves after 10 minutes or so. As he leaves, he graces us with this verbal gem:

Old man: "Okay, well, I gotta girls stay pretty!" (he looks intensely at Anu) "...ESPECIALLY you."

Ahhh! Aaaahhhhh! DO NOT WANT! She was hardly fazed: apparently this guy comes in a lot and is generally creepy. She said he even kissed her hand once. Aw hell no! Motherfucker isn't getting anywhere near my hands, etc.!

After I got over the creepy, I realized that I'd basically just gotten called "relatively ugly." w00t.

Some old lady clawed me with a fake nail today...

I fucking hate retail.

Also. Thoughtlet. It seems that higher-calorie foods are generally cheaper than lower-calorie, healthier foods. This is stupid. I propose that calories = cents. If something has 100 calories, it costs a dollar. 2500 calories, it costs $25. Free Diet Coke. Okay, I can definitely get on board with free Diet Coke. My favorite (I use that term lightly) Burger King meal would be $8.50 instead of $3.79. That would be just discouraging enough.

Anyway, I'll leave you with this:

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