Wednesday, May 28, 2008

My head hurts. Forever.

I keep smacking my head on things and losing my balance and failing to maintain basic hand-eye coordination. This sucks. I feel like I don't have a very good sense of where my body is in relation to everything around it. I've been getting in and out of cars for over 20 years--you'd think I'd have figured out by now exactly how much I need to duck in order to avoid whacking my head against the doorframe. And never mind my lack of balance. The other day I was on a bridge, one of those that kinda swings and is suspended and makes you feel like you're walking a tightrope. And even with the minimal swinging, I had to hold on to the ropes in order to keep from falling on my ass. And then once I was off the bridge, it took me maybe 10 minutes to get my "land legs" back. I was only on the damn thing for like 30 seconds.

I don't want to sound like a total freak or anything, but all this Asperger's stuff--if that's what it really is--is getting out of hand. I don't even know anymore if it's that I'm noticing more symptoms, or if somehow I'm actually getting worse. I mean, generally, these sorts of things are supposed to get better as you get older and develop coping mechanisms. I feel like I'm regressing. It is really freaky.

For now, though, I'm going to attribute it to stress. There is not much time left before I have to go back to Greenwood for summer. Oh, and I'm worried as FUCK about my best friend. It is absolutely killing me to see her unhappy day after day. And sure, she ends up taking it out on me occasionally, because I'm the only one around, and it sucks but I'm trying not to mind. This too shall pass. I love her to death and back again but she is very frustrating right now. All I can do is be the best friend/sister I can possibly be and hope that she knows I'd do anything for her.

Oh, and I need sleep too. That should probably happen now.

On a happy note: summer classes are awesome. I've had 2 exams. Sociology was a 98.5% and history was a 98%. Yes, I derive satisfaction from percentages. I like to feel smart.

I don't like to feel tired.

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