Tuesday, February 26, 2008

OMG WHAT IS IT?! Or, There's A Reason I'm Not A Journalism Major

This was on the front page of Yahoo today, appropriately in the Entertainment section (God help us if it had been categorized as "real news"):

(red boxy highlights mine)

They share a distinctive feature? What could it be? Wait, I know this one. The facial hair? No, that isn't it. Eyes? Not really. God, what IS it? What is the one trait that these two men with totally different facial features and totally different hair have in common?!

The article says it's the ears. Gotcha.

Problem is, as you can see from the photo, Obama's ears are more angular and have more ridges than Smith's. Smith has a more prominent earlobe. Their ears are not actually alike at all.

Sooooo....what could it be, that one feature that Barack Obama and Will Smith have in common?

I propose a rewrite of this article:

Barack Obama says he would want Will Smith to play him in a hypothetical movie. Smith is a non-threatening, family-friendly black man who often wears a suit and tie--just like Obama. "By associating myself with this PG-rated Hollywood icon," Obama said in an [imaginary] interview, "I am able to present myself in a non-threatening manner while identifying with somebody who is a representative of black culture, sort of. Also, if I am connected in citizens' minds with a popular, funny entertainment figure who is not a terrorist or a gangster, this increases the chance that they will vote for me. I'm a fun guy, just like that Hitch character."

Unfortunately for Smith, no such movie is yet in production, presumably because there is no real storyline on which it could be based.

Opponents John McCain and Hillary Clinton were also asked by bloodthirsty campaign trail press who they would like to see play them in an entirely hypothetical film. Clinton chose Helen Mirren because "We have one very distinctive feature in common, and that is the fact that we are both white women. Also, she played the Queen once, and that's kind of how I want people to see me." McCain declined comment but did mutter something about Steve Martin and white hair.

Long story short, fuck Yahoo news.

In other, um, news...another "cycle" of America's Next Top Model has begun. I missed most of the first episode, again, because Kate thought it would be a good time to have a conversation with me. Come on, I'm not kidding when I say I can't do two things at once. I'm over it, though, because I do actually have my priorities in order. Talking with my best friend is actually more important than television. Anyway, from what I saw of ANTM 10-1, there is going to be no shortage of crazy this time around. My personal favorite moment was Tyrannosaurus Banks' dramatic entrance as homecoming queen FROM HELL. Jeeeesus. An actress she is not. Attractive she is not. Dignified she is really, really not. I've heard talk on the intarwebs that there was something about Claire and breastmilk and Claire drinking her own breastmilk which frankly induces my gag reflex just a little bit. Something's just not quite right about sipping on a cold, frosty glass of one's own boob juice. But hey, I won't judge. Maybe it's delicious.

Speaking of judges, Twiggy's out, thank God. She was entirely useless. Here's hoping Paulina Whatsherface will have the two things Twiggy lacked: opinions and personality. I'm not asking for Janice-level batshit, because that's hard to top, but come on...something?

Anyway, the real dramarama begins tomorrow night at 8pm. I'm a little excited.

I have absolutely nothing interesting to say now.

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